It was great while it lasted

Exhausted face

My happiness didn't last after going off the anti-depressants. Sigh. I guess it took a few weeks for the drug to leave my system, but now that it has, I am The Bitch Monster From Hell. Not a bitch monster. THE Bitch Monster. I am so irritable - often downright angry - and I hate it. 

A lot of people think depression is feeling really sad and hopeless, but it's not just that; in fact, for me, it's not that at all now.  When I first went on medication - six months after my dad died in 2010 - I did have a constant black cloud hanging over me along with other symptoms, including moodiness, negativity and irritability. But when I went back on it in 2013, it was mostly to deal with the latter three symptoms. 

And that's how I am again now. Not all the time - sometimes I do feel calm and relaxed, and I can still have a laugh - but for a fair portion of the last two weeks I've been a cranky bitch. Everything annoys me. I feel rage welling up inside me over small things. I have no patience whatsoever. I haven't been very nice to be around, at home and at work. 

I don't want to be like this so I'm going back on medication tonight. Part of me thinks going back on it - especially because it's such a low dose - is a cop out. I should be able to moderate my emotions without it. I do try, but it's hard and mostly I can't do it so I'm not going to force myself to keep trying. 

In hindsight, it probably wasn't a great time to go off the anti-depressants - well, it was fine when I first started weaning myself off in July, but since the beginning of August I've been sick with one thing after and haven't been sleeping well. It's much harder to be happy when you're sick and exhausted.  

The drugs do work, so I'm gonna take 'em. 

Cool cloudage

 Yesterday evening 

A little later than the last pic. Surprised the horrendous wind 

didn't blow this cloud bank away  

 A touch of mammatus in the clouds this morning 

 The mammatus-y clouds again 

 

A bit of stripe 

Fantastic Mr(s) Fox

This fox! Its face! It's so urbane. If it could speak, it would have a very cultured accent and utter things like, "Oh, I say".

It's a Himalayan sand fox - footage is from David Attenborough's documentary The Himalayas. 

More wandering

I had an appointment in Prahran this morning then I spent the afternoon wandering about the streets, as I am wont to do. I took a lot of photos of stuff and things. 

Trio of verandah seats, Prahran 

Skull and bricks, Artists Lane, Windsor

Rainbow Tea, Artists Lane again

Well, hello there. Naturalist mann-equin at Chapel Street Bazaar

Ha-haaaa! T-Rex tapping out witty retorts on Facebook

Shady, leafy Davis Street, South Yarra 

Gorgeous house and garden on Davis Street

Blooming 

Rusting

In the front garden at Botanics on Punt Road

Inside Botanics, florest, nursery and giftshop - aka paradise

I bought a stem of gorgeous purple orchids

  

And some chrysanthemums (fittonia on the right)

My mantelpiece 

More 'mums and spathiphyllum with a trio of flowers

Orchid close-up

I walked about 16,000 steps and was plum tuckered out when I got home. I had a nice hot bath and am very much looking forward to getting into bed. I don't plan to emerge from before lunchtime. 

Stuff what I love right now (October 2016)

My tiny garden from Morning Flowers at Melbourne Central

Here is a bunch of stuff that I am loving right now (mostly discovered on Instagram and Pinterest). 

The glorious floral paintings of Canadian artist Bobbie Burgers. I love her bright, colourful works, but I adore the darker ones like this. 

'Take this longing'

The dark and haunting work of Dutch artist and photographer Nola Limmen.  I also love this photo of the view from her desk. 

Speaking of desks, I've been pinning a lot of pictures of people's workspaces on Pinterest lately. They even have their own board. I'm not sure why I like looking at pictures of people's desks and studios, but I do.  This one (the desk of UK-based interior designer Kate Young) is one of my faves.  I love the rustic desk and black and white photo combination. I'm feeling inspired to tizzy up my desk at work a little (it currently has barely any personal touches at all). 

I have also developed a Pinterest obsession with pictures of collections of things. All sorts of things, stuff that I'm not interested in collecting myself, like Blythe dolls, vintage cameos and pocket watches, mannequin heads and glass eyes. It's more about the photos of the things, than the things themselves.  

 I think this photo is by Glenn Matsumura, 

though I can't see it on his site

Today I discovered knolling, which is the arrangement/organisation of like objects into a neat square or rectangle. I'm not entirely sure why you would do this, but I like looking at photos of it. Here are 50 photos of knolling (knolls?):

I also like this Tumblr called Things Organized Neatly.  (I wonder if I might have a streak of obsessive compulsive in me?)  Things organised neatly in rainbow colour are even better. 

I might have banned myself from shopping for shoes, clothes and accessories, but I'm still allowed to look. I love Zana Bayne's leather gear (fortunately I couldn't afford her  stuff even if I were allowed to shop).

Oversized buckle belt

Designers Guild's gorgeous fabric, wallpaper and homewares. I've just discovered they do free samples (although they don't ship to Australia, but there are ways around that). 

Pip Studio wallpaper and homewares. So pretty and colourful.  

Friday wanderings

Luke and I had a pleasant day out in the Dandenongs on Friday. We visited two gardens and two waterfalls and had lunch at a (former) piggery. 

I'd often seen pictures of the Alfred Nicholas Memorial Gardens on Instagram and thought we should go for a look, so we did. Then we spotted the George Tindale Memorial Garden just a few hundred metres down the road, so we had a look at that too. 

The Piggery Cafe is just next door to the Alfred Nicholas gardens and we had a quick lunch there. We said hello to the two pigs who live in the grounds (until they end up as lunch, I guess. I think they might have an (o)inkling of their fate because they were not as happy as pigs in mud are supposed to be. They seemed pretty glum.) 

Anyway, here are my photos (out of order but *shrug*):

 On the walk to Sherbrooke Falls

 Mossy log on  Sherbrooke Falls walk

 Even the fungus had moss on it

 Moss

 Sherbrooke Falls (or, more accurately, Sherbrooke Rapids)

 Conifer at George Tindale Memorial Gardens

 Succulent at George Tindale Memorial Gardens

 One of several lovely old lamps at George Tindale Memorial Gardens

 The pigs at The Piggery (yes, he's peeing; no, that's not why I took the photo)

 Bee watering hole in the trunk of a tree fern

 There were a lot of hellebore at both gardens 

 Bugs

 Both gardens also have a lot of azaleas which are a riot of colour right now

 Another hellebore

 Very big insect (the leaf  is bigger than my hand)

 More fungus

 The lake at Alfred Nicholas Memorial Gardens

 The lake again

 I took A LOT of photos of the hellebore

 Curly leaf thing

Another leaf