Another year over, a new one just begun

Happy 2015 everyone. Yeah, I'm still hanging around. I didn't manage to revive my blogging mojo towards the end of 2014, but I'm committed to giving it a good kick up the bum this year.

I feel as if 2014 was an average year for me. Nothing awful happened, but nothing wonderful happened either. I can't think of a highlight. It was just...meh. I wonder if my lack of blogging has anything to do with it? The unexamined life is not worth living and all that? It's not as if I didn't do anything fun. There was glee.

A more likely explanation is my chronic fatigue (which also partly explains my lack of blogging). For the past three or four months I feel as if I did nothing but work and sleep. There were quite a few days where I came home from work and went straight to bed and some days on the weekends when I spent most of the day sleeping or on the couch in my pyjamas staring at the internet. I did do fun stuff, but I could have had more fun if I had some energy.

This year I plan to get some energy. I'm going to overhaul my diet by having a crack at the paleo diet. Stop rolling your eyes, you. I'm skeptical about the science paleo proponents use to back up their caveman eating (and Pete Evans is bloody annoying), but the diets prescribed by the medical specialists I've been seeing for years have done almost nothing to relieve my fatigue. I've read so many stories of people overcoming chronic, severe fatigue - people who felt like crap all the time like me, but felt amazing after going paleo - that I can't ignore it (or sneer at it) anymore. I want to feel amazing (although I'd settle for good). I've been tired for 20 years. I've had enough.

But I'm not going to start it until after Luke and I get back from our road trip next weekend (special diet + travel = too hard).  Wooh, road trip! We're going on a coastal and high country jaunt that will take us to the pointy end of Victoria and the highest mountain in Australia. 

Our proposed route (enlarge for bigger picture)

The route covers a bit more than 1,600 kms (about 22 hours of driving), which we will do in a week. The major stops on our itinerary start with Wilsons Promontory on day one. Luke hasn't been since he was a kid and I haven't been for more than five years, so I'm looking forward to it.  

Day two will take us to Ninety Mile Beach and Lakes Entrance, which is as far east as I've been in Victoria so everything thereafter will be new to me.  Next up will be Mallacoota at the pointy end of the state. I'd like to go over to nearby Gabo Island because it's mentioned on the ABC weather report quite often and I want to say, "We've been there!" every time. 

Next up we'll head to Jindabyne over the border in NSW and Mount Kosciuszko National Park (pronounced Kozzi-osco for you non-Aussies, although the proper pronunciation of the Polish name is Koz-chooz-ko). 

I've just read that you can walk to the top of the mountain and it's not even that physically demanding! "Anyone with a modest level of fitness can walk to the top," Wikipedia says. The walk is about 8km one way though.  

After that we'll head south to Omeo. I'm particularly looking forward to this part of the trip because I've read the high country scenery is breathtaking (that might be in part due to the windy roads and steep drops to the forest floor...). 

Our final major stop will be Mansfield before we coast home.  We leave this Sunday. I can't wait! 

Now I need to go an have a lie down. 

Day 8: Excited about small things again

Do you remember last year I went to see Bill Bryson deliver the Kenneth Myer public lecture at the Town Hall? Well, I did and I really enjoyed it and I've been wanting to see/listen to it again since. I'm excited to have found the lecture on YouTube and I can't wait to see it again. Something for my weekend to-do list. 

I know that I'm getting back to my normal self after my period of gloom because I'm feeling excited about small things again. When we were in Paris in August waiting in the queue to go up the Eiffel Tower Luke asked me if I was excited and I answered honestly: No. 

WHAAAAT? I knew it was bizarre to be in Paris for the first time and not feel excited - to not feel even remotely exhilarated like I was on my trip to New York - but that's how I felt. Then a few weeks ago I was researching a day trip to Maryborough in central Victoria and I got a little bit excited about visiting a tiny village called Bung Bong, which has an abandoned church and an old bridge. Eiffel Tower? Whatever. Bung Bong? Wheee!  (In the end we forgot to go to Bung Bong!)

I had a miniscule spider scrawling on my had on the way home. Its body was smaller than a pinhead and it had to climb over the tiny fine hairs on my hand. People on the tram must have wondered why I was so fascinated by my own hand. 

My iPod battery hit empty just as I arrived home tonight. It's the second time that's happened in the last week. 

Jaunts

Reading in the Treasury Gardens

I'm excited to be taking a little jaunt into regional Victoria on the Australia Day public holiday this Wednesday. I decided it would be nice to do something with the day off rather than sleeping until 11.00am, so I'm catching the train to Castlemaine, which I'm is (I'm told) a lovely little town with cafes, galleries, shops, an old theatre, botanic gardens, walks and a lot of gold mining history.

Visiting three towns in regional Victoria that I've never been to before is one of the things on my list of 101 Things To Do before I'm 40. I've been through Castlemaine many times, but never to it, so I am counting it as the first of  the three towns.  Yay. I'm looking forward to fresh photographic pastures too.

I took a little sojourn on my way home today too. I'm hoping injecting a little novelty into work days might help them seem less dreary and a teeny tiny bit more like a weekend, so today I walked home through the Treasury and Fitzroy Gardens, and the back streets of Richmond. I bought mixed lollies at the Rowena Parade Corner Store and wandered little streets I've never ventured into before. (Due to enthusiastic sub-dividing in the olden days, Richmond has a lot of little streets.) The walk home took twice as long as usual, but it was a sunny afternoon, I like the exercise and love exploring my neighbourhood.

2010: it's a wrap

Another year almost done... In Decembers past I have posted a wrap up of the year's most gleeful happenings without any attempt to weigh up the good with the bad because this blog is not concerned with bad stuff.

But this year that approach doesn't feel right. Good things  - wonderful things - have happened, but 2010 has been the worst year of my life. As many of you know, my father died in April after being diagnosed with a terminal illness at the start of January. There's probably nothing that could balance the 2010 scales of happiness after that. I'm not happy really (for various reasons related and unrelated to losing Dad), but I'm working on it.

That said, although Dad's illness and death were harrowing, difficult times are fertile ground for personal growth, and so it was for me.

I realised I am much stronger than I thought. You don't really know what you're capable of until you have to face it head on and just get on with it. I have more faith in myself now. I know that whatever happens, I'll get through it. That's a nice feeling.

I never thought I would be able to stand up in front of all those people at Dad's funeral and speak, but I had to do it for my Dad and I did (I looked at my hands just before I stood up to speak and they weren't even trembling). I can only describe the way I felt afterwards as euphoric. It was an awful day, but an amazing day.

Anyway, enough of the bad-but-good stuff. Here's the unadulterated good bits:

* My trip to New York  was far and away the best bit of 2010, because it was my first ever trip overseas AND I WENT TO NEW YORK! I fell instantly in love with the place. I had the best time and I'm already thinking of going back.

Taking an overseas trip was the number one thing on my list of 101 Things to do Before I'm 40 and I crossed it off before the year was half over. I finally went to another country! Finally!

* Not only did I take my first overseas trip, I did it on my own. I'd never wanted to travel alone before (partly why I got to 38 without having travelled) and before Dad died I was a bit scared about it. I wasn't sure how I'd go. But after his funeral, I wasn't worried at all and I didn't need to be. I hit the ground running - I wasn't scared, I didn't feel overwhelmed, I didn't get lost, I didn't miss any flights and I cruised the subway like a native (well, almost). I felt damned pleased with myself!

* I finally quit the mind numbing job that had me feeling like I was wasting my life away. It was like shedding an old skin and did wonders for my state of mind (albeit temporarily).

* I've had no trouble finding new jobs, even if I haven't settled into a permanent role yet. Despite feeling initially overwhelmed (particularly in my first temp role), I've surprised myself how with quickly I've got the hang of things. I have more confidence in my abilities now.

* I'm working in the area of law I always wanted to work in and I'm working in a top tier firm - it's a looooooooooooong way away from my old job at the firm with 15 people!

What a year of high highs and low lows. It certainly hasn't been boring! It's been a period  of personal growth and some progress in a few areas where changes needed to be made. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm facing in the right direction at least.

I'm looking foward to 2011. It's going to be hard for it to be worse than this year, but I'll probably also have to work at making it better than this year.  I want to go overseas again, get settled into a permanent job once more, get some of my health issues sorted and...well, I'd like to be in a relationship again. I've had enough of singledom.

You never know what's around the corner...

And lastly....

As always, I've had lots of lovely feedback from you guys. I always say I write this blog for me, but really, it just wouldn't be the same without the comments and emails from you. It's gratifying to know people are reading my nerdy little ramblings (and more so that they keep coming back to read more). You have consistently been a source of glee. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

Wishing you a gleeful festive season and good health and happiness in 2011.

* I'm visiting my mum for Christmas from 24 December until 2 January so posting will be sporadic at best.

Home again, home again

It's Lady Liberty! (surprise, surprise)

I'm back! New York was all kinds of awesome, but it's also great to be back in my beloved Melbourne (and my own bed) again. I was worried Melbourne might seem a little hokey and unexciting viewed through Big Apple-tinted glasses, but I'm actually appreciating its compactness, slower pace and less crowded spaces. In fact, I'm falling in love with it all over again.  As much as I loved New York, I will never love anywhere the way I love Melbourne. My heart will always be here.  

So...New York! What else did I do? So much! For the sake of (relative) brevity, here are the highlights from when I last blogged:

The very unassuming exterior of the Canaan Baptist of Christ 

* I attended a gospel church service in Harlem, which was just like in the movies - the choir's goosebump-inducing singing, the clapping, the amens and hallelujahs, the matriarchs decked out in their finery and, best of all, the pastor working himself up into a booming tirade in the pulpit. It was awesome!

I don't have a religious bone in my body, but I found the experience quite moving - they were very welcoming of visitors and made a special effort to acknowledge and include us in the proceedings (including passing the plate...). But it was also affecting being in the presence of such joy and passion and community spirit (no, I won't be converting).

The Mets' mascot, imaginatively named Mr Mets

* A Twitter friend from LA was also in NYC and he took me out to the ballgame - the Mets (NY) versus the Phillies (Philadelphia). I don't understand the intricacies of the game, but it's pretty hard not to get a buzz from a stadium full of sports fans and from experiencing an event that's a huge part of the fabric of life in the place you are visiting. And there were the little things that go along with it - the hotdogs, the team mascot, the singing and in-between-innings rituals, like pointing the camera at couples in the crowd who then have to pash. Everyone plays along with gusto. It was fun.

* I visited Coney Island. For anyone who doesn't know, Coney Island is a beachside neighbourhood of Brooklyn (about 50 minutes by train from Manhattan), which is home to an amusement park that has seen better days. The park still has few old iconic rides - like the Cyclone rollercoaster which dates back to 1927 - but there's also a lot of empty spaces enclosed behind chainlink fences, and flaking paintwork. As I'm a big fan of faded glory, I loved it. It's awesome in a really tacky way. I barely removed my camera from my hand.

The Cyclone

It's also home to the self-proclaimed best hotdog in New York - Nathan's. I had one and I can say confidently it was the best hotdog I had during my stay, and I ate a few in my two weeks there (I quickly learnt not to ask for cheese however. What actually is that yellow sludge? Is there a nation that has done more to ruin cheese than the US? Actually, come to think of it, they didn't stop at cheese...) 

Nathan's World Famous Frankfurters

* My LA friend, J, also took me with him to the launch of a book written by a couple of actors/comedians he knows at a classy hotel in Tribeca (famous for the Tribeca Film Festival started by Robert De Niro).  I got a copy of the book - called You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up - signed. Even though I'd never heard of the authors, I thought it would make for a more unique souvenir than an "I Heart New York" T-shirt...not that I didn't buy one of those too.

* After the book launch J and I took a cab - my first NY cab ride - to Grimaldi's, a pizza place under the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge. The cabbie, who was Pakistani, was far more interested in grilling J about whether WWE wrestling is fake than he was about having an Aussie in his taxi. I guess they see so many tourists, you'd have to be from the moon to pique the interest of most cabbies.

Mmmm....pizza (it's so good I look like I'm on drugs)

It was past 10pm when we got to Grimaldi's but we had to line up to get in, such is the popularity of the restaurant. J says it's the best pizza in New York and it was indeed delicious, although much the same as a quality pizza back home, which makes me think most pizza in New York is average.

After the pizza we went down to the waterfront looking towards Manhattan where J got talking to a pair of sisters, one of whom was living literally on the same block as my hotel. Even in New York, it's a small world.

* I went to a stand up comedy show recommended by J, which was being filmed for a submission to Comedy Central. I hadn't heard of the comics, Helen Hong, Joe De Vito and Rodney Laney, but they were hilarious and there was barely a reference that went over my non-American head. I laughed my head off.

I went on my own but a couple of girls from Brooklyn sat at my table and they were very friendly. I found New Yorkers far more polite and friendly than I expected, which was a nice surprise.

I drank a couple of Long Island Iced Teas at the show and was a wee bit drunk when I left. Oops. Despite that, I found my way to the Rockefeller Centre and visited the Top of the Rock Observation Deck to admire New York at night. After that I met J, his sister and a friend for a meal. It was nice to do something normal away from the tourist beat with locals.

* I went to see West Side Story on Broadway, which I chose because I hadn't seen it and it's set on the Upper West Side of New York (where I stayed). I'm not a huge fan of musical theatre, I have to say, but when in New York... I enjoyed it (particularly the hot young guys and their toned biceps) and the Palace Theatre was beautiful.

The Palace Theatre on Broadway

* I mastered the subway. OK, perhaps "mastered" is overstating things, but I found it easy to get around on the subway system and never once ended up in the wrong place. I even managed several interchanges at a couple of the busiest subway stations without a miss-step. Travelling in peak hour wasn't that big a deal either. I made my first foray onto the subway in the morning rush hour and was a little disappointed it wasn't more chaotic! Yes, the trains were crowded, but no worse than in Melbourne. 

I didn't listen to my iPod or read anything on the subway at all for my entire stay - watching and listening to the people around me was entertainment enough.

* I visited St Patricks Cathedral (the largest Gothic-style cathedral in the US), Trinity Church and St Paul's Chapel, which are all spectacular examples of architecture. Trinity Church and St Paul's both have very old, leafy graveyards adjoining them, with many headstones so old the epitaphs have worn away. It was weird being in a cemetery in the middle of a bustling city, with people treating it like a park. They were peaceful and shady.

The graveyard at Trinity Church

* I visited the International Centre of Photography which was hosting several excellent, but quite confronting, exhibitions. One, photos by Ed Templeton, included a photo (supposedly) of a junkie on the streets of Melbourne.

I bought myself a Colorsplash camera in the Centre's giftshop, which is my favourite souvenir and I can't wait to play with it. It's a low-tech, 35 mm camera with a changeable coloured flash that bathes your subject in coloured light, producing cool, artsy type photos.

This camera is my first foray into the world of Lomography, which is a global community of creative types using this and other low-tech, old-school cameras to produce artsy pictures that don't confirm to the accepted rules of photography. It's going to be weird going back to using film and having to wait to see the results of my efforts!  

The view from the Empire State Building (Chrysler Building at left)

* Yes, I did all the other touristy things - I visited Times Square, the Statue of Liberty (a little underwhelming) and the Empire State Building, and caught the ferry to Staten Island. I walked down Wall Street past the New York Stock Exchange and went to the World Trade Centre Visitor Centre, which I found curiously unaffecting, perhaps because I didn't have time to really linger and absorb it.

Me and the Brooklyn Bridge (from South Street Seaport)

I walked the Brooklyn Bridge on a beautiful sunny morning and visited downtown Brooklyn, Prospect Park and the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, which was a nice break from the tourist throng. I was glad to see more of New York than Manhattan, which is the only one of the five boroughs that most tourists' visit. I managed four out of the five (even if I only set foot on Staten Island for 30 minutes between ferries).

* Oh, I got an unexpected stop over in Los Angeles! My flight from LA to Sydney was pushed back a day due to a mechanical problem, so I got put up at a nice hotel for the night with a late check out and free meals in the hotel restaurant. Sweet!

After a good sleep sprawled on the plush, king sized bed, I spent half the day at Venice Beach, which was more seedy than I imagined from what I'd seen in the movies. I confess I didn't really like it much...it does have the faded glory thing going for it, but it's far more tawdry than Coney Island. I did take a lot of photos and I met a couple of hip hop artists who told me they're coming to Australia next year for the Big Day Out and have been in negotiations with Triple J, Australia's youth radio broadcaster.

Me and the hip hop dudes.  (Yes, I bought their CDs.

I don't even like hip hop much. I'm such a softie!) 
 

The rest of the day I spent and at a shopping mall near my hotel buying clean undies and toiletries (I packed in a hurry and didn't have these items in my carry on) and spending some of the money that I surprisingly had left over after New York. It was pretty much like a shopping centre back home.

Then it was back to the hotel for a shower, a feed and shuttle bus to the airport.  

The setting sun from my hotel room (near the airport)

One of the best things about my holiday was simply the fact that I was there. It took me a few days to stop walking around thinking, "Wow, I'm in New York City! I'm in another country! At last! I've done it!". I get to cross off the number one thing on my list of 101 Things to do Before I'm 40, which is to take an overseas trip. Yay!

But the best and most significant thing about my holiday is that despite my lack of travel experience, my initial trepidation and somewhat fragile emotional state, I did it on my own - and not only coped with it, but kicked arse. My experiences with my Dad's illness and death this year have already shown me that I am much stronger than I ever imagined I could be, and my New York trip reinforces that. Turns out I'm strong, self-sufficient and capable. Go, me! I feel like whatever comes my way, I'll handle it.

SQUIRREL!

P.S. See my other blog over the coming days for more - and better - photos from my trip.

Five days in...

The library entrance

Hello again from the Big Apple. My fifth day is drawing to a close, and my love affair for this place grows by the day. I feel like I'm sneaking around behind Melbourne's back, falling in love with another city. Don't worry, Melbourne; you will always be my No 1.

Since I last blogged, I have been to the library. Not just any old library, the New York Public Library, which is right up there in the library hall of fame, and for good reason. It's a jaw-droppingly impressive building. Marble as far as the eye can see, columns and arches and staircases (Beaux-Arts style, for those who are interested). But the jaw-droppingest bits were the McGraw Rotunda,  Bill Blass Catalogue Room and the Rose Main Reading Room. Simply stunning. So much ornate detail.  

Not only does is it a feast for the eyes, it has some amazing treasures in its collection - the letter Christiopher Columbus wrote to the Spanish king and queen notifying them he had discovered the New World, one of five copies Thomas Jefferson made of his draft Declaration of Independence (which contains a section abolishing slavery, which was promptly removed by Congress), the first Gutenberg Bible (dating back to the 1450s) to come ashore in America, a desk, lamp and chair belonging to Dickens and the original (now very threadbare) toy animals that inspired AA Milne to wrote Winnie The Pooh.

You can't see all of these things, but I did see the bible, Dickens' desk and the toys.

I had to abandon plans to go to the Empire State Building due to poor weather so I grabbed a Big Salad for lunch at a gourmet deli (my god, what an eye-popping array of food!) and then headed to the Museum of Sex. Yes, they do have a museum for that. It's not as tawdry as it sounds, although the first exhibit was on sex and the moving image, so you can imagine what they had on display there. Very bizarre experience seeing a money shot while you are in a room with fully dressed strangers. Also difficult to concentrate on reading the information displays with porn music and lady moaning in the background. I mean, I was there for the information after all.

The other displays were far less spicy and far more educational (unless watching a bonobo chimp orgy is your thing). I did touch a penis, however. No, no real genitals at the Museum of Sex, unlike MoMA. It was a silicone one meant to simulate the male member (not very convincingly, however).

The weather was even worse after I  emerged from touching faux penii and watching porn, so I spent some time cruising the souvenir shops (yes, I now own an I Heart New York T shirt), then headed back to my hotel, again catching the right bus and ending up in the right place. Go, me.

Today I visited the Chrysler Building, including the awesome art deco lobby and Grand Central Station, which is yet another jaw-droppingly gorgeous building, especially the main concourse with its vast blue ceiling featuring a mural of the zodiac and huge arched windows at either end.

Then it was showtime! I had a ticket to see West Side Story on Broadway. I've not been to many musicals in my life, and I've never seen West Side Story. I confess I'm not really that big a fan of musicals to be honest, but when on Broadway... I chose WSS because it's set in New York and I'm staying on the West Side.

I enjoyed it - lots of colour, great choreography and songs I recognised even if I never knew where they were from ("I feel pretty, oh, so pretty..."). Oh, and hot guys with muscular biceps. Noice.

It was at the Palace Theatre - surprise surprise, another beautiful building.

After the show I had some cheesecake (another New York specialty) and a can of Dr Pepper before heading to St Patrick's Cathedral. I walked past it the other day without knowing what it was and thought it was impressive from the outside, but today I went inside. Wow. Amazing. Can you tell I'm running out of superlatives? (Strange seeing security guard and so many tourists taking photos in a church though).

Then I headed home again. Tomorrow I'm finally going to visit the Statue of Liberty. Got to be up bright and early and down to the ferry terminal at 9am. I'm thinking I might even brave the subway in rush hour. I'm told it's bedlam - and I'm sure it is - but I'm a big girl...I'll just make sure I allow plenty of time to get there.

I also have a ticket for the hop-on, hop-off tourist bus tomorrow so will spend the afternoon pootling about on that visiting various places on my must-see list. I'm hoping the weather will be fine enough for a trip up the Empire State Building too. 

I'm in New York!!!!

Me, in Central Park.

Oh my god, you guys! I'm in a whole other country! At last! It's only taken me nearly 38 years, but finally I have set foot outside Australia! I've been in New York for three days now and I still don't think it's sunk in. 

I'm in love with the place already, and I've barely even scratched the surface. I haven't ventured too far downtown so I'm yet to see the iconic sights like the Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building. I expect the love affair to deepen dramatically once I do... 

You'd think those landmarks would be the first things that I would go see, but I'm spreading out the awesomeness. Just being here is enough awesome to sustain me for now.

What have I seen? Squirrels! Sounds ridiculous to get excited by them, I've obviously never seen one before. When I saw the first one, it took me by surprise and, in my head, I shrieked, "Oh my god! A squirrel!". I took a photo of course. 

I spent Saturday exploring Central Park and it's amazing - huge, beautiful, full of people and so much to see. New Yorkers truly are spoilt to have such a vast patch of green in the centre of their huge and bustling city. The view of the skyline from the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir is spectacular and the water features are postcard perfect, especially The Lake with all the row boats punting about on it. The bridges are beautiful and the wrought iron lamps! They've got loads of olde worlde charm and there's so many of them everywhere. 

I saw a pair of geese with a clutch of gosling, loads of turtles and an owl. Yep, an owl. There was some kind of bird day on at Belvedere Castle and a woman was giving a talk about owls with a massive owl sitting on her arm. It looked pretty unimpressed, but it was awake when it should have been sleeping afterall. I felt like we had something in common.

Today I went to the Guggenheim Museum and the Museum of Modern Art and saw works by Warhol, Picasso, Matisse, Kandinsky, Monet and Van Gogh. I got quite a buzz from knowing I was standing in front of the real deal. 

I've eaten some New York staples - hotdogs and pretzels from street vendors and chicken soup with matzoh balls. Tonight I had a toasted bagel with cream cheese and it was delicious. I foresee more of those in my future.

I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself for finding my way around without too much trouble and I've managed to buy a weekly Metrocard from a machine at the subway and catch a bus back to my hotel twice. Go, me! I should save the self-congratulations for after I work out the subway...

Sorry this has only one photo - I have loads more obviously, but it's time consuming to upload them and I'm doing this at a net cafe.

Giggling, list writing and manicuring

My friend sent me a video of her seven-month-old, Thomas, (one of my 'nephews') having a fit of giggles yesterday. It's impossible not to laugh along with him. He almost looks like he's putting it on, such is his enthusiasm. So cute and funny.  

I wrote a list of things to pack for my New York trip today. I wasn't feeling mentally ready for the trip, but now I feel a little more prepared. Love a good list.

I dislike having long fingernails, but I really like that fresh (DIY) manicured feeling.

A day out in the hills

I was feeling glum and sooky today, so my friend Julian whisked me away to the Dandenongs for some fresh air, exercise and lunch. Isn't he ace?

It's so pretty up there - almost like stepping into a fairytale - especially at this time of year with autumn colours on display. We bought some lollies at the lolly shop in Sassafrass and then ate lunch at Pie in the Sky before heading to the top of Mt Dandenong to enjoy the (rainy) view. It was bloody cold up there! I remembered to bring my fat puffy parka with me - and was looking forward to wearing it - but I foolishly thought I'd be OK without it when I got out of the car. Wrong! It was below 10 degrees C. Very wintry indeed.

My lime spider

We warmed our hands on a hot chocolate, had a look at the very well sign-posted Secret Garden and then drove to Silvan Reservoir as the late afternoon sun slanted through the trees and lit up the greenery with a golden glow. But when we got to the dam, it wasn't open. Dang. We did contemplate clambering over the gates, but the possibility of getting caught stopped us.

We consoled ourselves with a walk in the damp, drippy forest. It was nice - dark red soil, glistening leaves, fungus sprouting in the undergrowth, mossy rocks and lichen covered tree trunks, and a quite pleasant earthy smell.

Demented koalas at the Skyhigh giftshop

Tonight Julian and I met Anna at Hu Tong in Prahran for a feed of dumplings. Yum.

When I got home I had a present in the mail from one of my blog readers, Margaret. A cute little Kimmidoll canvas pouch for me to take on my trip. How lovely is that? I've 'met' so many wonderful, kind and caring people on the interwebs. It makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

Tuesday night I got a message from my former osteo on Facebook that made me happy but teary (not hard at the moment). I'm glad we've stayed in touch.

PS 8 days until I leave for NYC!  

Laughter through tears

"Life is not meant to be easy, my child; but take courage: it can also be delightful"

This George Bernard Shaw quote, which I heard in conversation at a friend's birthday party, helped to inspire me to start this blog back on 1 September 2008. But this year, the quote has become more of a personal mantra. You see, 2010 has not been a good year for me and my family... 

I have hinted at these difficulties in a few recent posts, but now I have decided to reveal what has been happening, for several reasons. It would seem to go against the gleeful grain, but bear with me.

OK. This is what happened (deep breath): my father was diagnosed with a terminal illness in early January and he passed away yesterday. His doctors had given him a life expectancy of five years, but he was gone less than five months later, just making it beyond his 60th birthday. My quiet, funny, strong but soft-hearted, capable Dad...gone. Just like that. I still can't believe he got sick, let alone that he isn't here anymore.

This is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through in my life. After Dad was diagnosed, I was tempted to take a break from writing Gleeful. I thought, "How am I ever going to be happy again?" How would I find anything gleeful to write about, much less the enthusiasm to put fingers to keyboard?

But I soon realised how wrong-headed this was. I had a stern word with myself: Jayne, that is not the way we do things here, I said. If you stop writing now, you will be abandoning your faith in the idea that underpins this blog, that you can make yourself happier by being more mindful and appreciative of life's simple pleasures even when life isn't going your way.  If you really believe this is possible - and you do, dammit - you can't stop now. This ordeal will put that idea to the test like nothing else. 

And it has. And let me just tell you, this idea rocks (I can't claim it as my own). The past few four months - particularly the past four weeks - have been scary, emotional and exhausting, but they have also been delightful, in ways small and not so small.

The big delightful stuff

* It's empowering to face adversity and get through it. I was continually amazed at my ability to cope with things I never imagined that I would be able to get through. You just do what you have to do. I feel like I can face almost anything now. New York on my own for my first overseas trip? Pah! Piece of cake, baby. (Less than three weeks away now!)

* It's pretty darn nice when people tell you they admire the way you're handling things, that your Dad would be proud (even if you think they would probably do the same thing in your shoes).

* It brought me closer to my Dad and other members of my family. It also created a bond with my step-family, which didn't really exist before.

* It's strengthened my friendships and also brought me closer to people I've just met - or never met, like a legion of Twitter friends,  who have supported me through this, particularly in the past few weeks (Twitter really helped get me through the nights on my own at the hospital with Dad). Times like this make you realise that people are actually wonderful. Not that I'm a misanthrope, but sometimes we all need a little reminder. Every day lately I've been moved by the kindness and generosity of friends and strangers offering both practical and emotional support - or just a distraction.  If any of you are reading, you are awesome and I'm so glad to know you.

* It's made me appreciate (all over again) how lucky I am. Yes, really. I'm lucky I got to know my Dad as an adult, unlike a lot of people who lose a parent when they're young. I'm lucky I got to say goodbye. I'm lucky I've made it to 37 before going through something this tough. I've led a charmed life, really. There are so, so many people far worse off than I am.

Small delights

Even in the past few days, I've continued on my glee-spotting way. I honestly think I can't help it now. It's second nature. I'm inveterate. Here's some of the things that buoyed me up:

*  On Friday, two books I ordered from Amazon arrived unexpectedly early. One was the Book of Awesome, which I blogged about recently. It is indeed awesome. I adore it. I started to read it while sitting at Dad's bedside. I laughed out loud. I smiled. Its bite-size chunks of text made it perfect reading for the circumstances. 

* The other book was the pop up version of my favourite Dr Seuss book - Oh, The Places You'll Go! I read this at Dad's bedside too and it was also very fitting, being about getting through life's ups and downs, as it is. And the pop-uppiness of it is fantastic. Very detailed and intricate and just all round awesome. I'm very taken with it. I will post some pictures of it later on.

* Music. The CDs I bought last week (or whenever it was - time has passed in a blur) have really grown on me. The Angus and Julia Stone CD is heart-achingly, simply, delicately beautiful. The White Stripes live CD rocks - I love it more than I expected. Florence and the Machine is fantastic. All of them will remind me of this hard time in my life and I'm OK with that.

* One day last weekend I was walking down the steps of Flinders Street Station to the sound of a busker playing the bagpipes. I put my earphones in to listen to my iPod and...all I could hear was the bagpipes! What the dickens! The busker is in my iPod! What's going on!? As I crossed at the lights, I realised it was the bagpipe introduction of the White Stripes' live CD! The music was exactly the same (but then it was the bagpipes...).

* Last week I went to Myer to buy some travel accessories and a backpack for my trip. I arrived there to find 40% off travel goods. All right! Good timing, me! I got about $140 worth of stuff for $80, and I used a gift card to pay for $70 of it. I also got a $20 voucher for spending more than $75. Sometimes things just fall into place...

* Made up words. I made up a new portmanteau word - evilsome, which is awesome and evil at the same time. One of my Twitter friends used the word "whimmy" - in the mood to do something on a whim.

* Twitter helped me procure a gluten-free pizza while I was at the hospital. I idly tweeted "I wonder if I could get a gluten-free pizza delivered to the hospital?" A Twitter pal (the whimmy one, who is coeliac) replied with the details of a nearby place that does GF pizza. I rang them up and got it delivered. Never let it be said that Twitter is pointless.

* My friend's three-year-old son Nathan. He is such an adorable little boy. My friend told him I might be visiting and that I might be sad, and he replied with: "But Jayne is my aunty and I love her. She can't be sad if I love her." Aaaaws. My heart went melty. My friend tried to explain (as much as you can to a small child) why I was sad and he said that he would call Spiderman and ask him to look after my Dad. Gorgeous. 

* Silly (and pleasantly distracting) Twitter conversations. I've been engaged in an ongoing exchange of words that sound dirty but aren't necessarily with one Twitter friend (eg flap, spatchcock). It's gone on for days and occasionally drawn in other participants. Juvenile, yes, but fun. I'm also constructing a Twitter fantasty in which I am Bionic Librarian, a cardigan-clad superhero fighting ignorance and stupidity with my trusty sidekick, Mysterious Library Aficianado (whose catchphrase is, "If you'd only read more books, I wouldn't have to kick your ass"), my Pearls of Destruction and Forcefield of Silence. Heeee.

* Saying "Laffter through tears is mah favourite ee-motion" (that's a Southern American drawl), a line from the movie Steel Magnolias, which I always think of when I laugh while I'm sad. There's been a bit of that lately, as you can imagine.

Last night I decided that I would write a post here every day until I leave for New York on May 14. And that's what I'm gonna do.

New York, here I come!

I'M GOING TO NEW YORK CITY!!!!!!!! *squeals*  I booked my flights yesterday. I'm flying out on 14 May and returning on 29 May. I got a really good deal too, which is a nice little sweetener.

I haven't mentioned this before here (I dont think...) because I dread the reaction it usually provokes, but for you to fully understand the gleefulness of this trip, it should be revealed: this will be the first time I have set foot outside Australia. No, really. It's not that I have never wanted to travel, it's just not been at the top of my list of priorities for one reason or another. But I decided I was going to do it before I hit 40, and I am.

So, it's a big deal in more ways than one. And I'm doing it on my own! I can't deny that I'm a little daunted at doing it alone, but I'm also looking forward to it. I know I won't regret it one bit and it'll do me good to push myself outside my comfort zone -  personal growth blah, blah, blah.

Now I just need to work out what I'm doing while I'm there... Of course, I've already decided to visit the libary!

Speaking of doing things on my own, I went to see The White Stripes music doco Under Great White Northern Lights last night on my own and I didn't even feel like a friendless loser. There couldn't have been more than 20 people in the whole cinema and I think I was the only one flying solo, but it didnt bother me. Go, me.

There were only three people in the cinema when I walked in. I made my way to my allocated seat and it was right next to a not unattractive man all on his own too. I left a seat between us (not like it was sold out) and we had a chuckle and a quick chat...and then his girl friend showed up. Dang. Then another lone guy sat a seat away on the other side of me...and then his girlfriend showed up. Story of my life....

Anyhoo, the movie was great, not perfect, but certainly visually and aurally pleasing. It follows the band on a tour taking in every province in Canada to mark their 10th anniversary. They played gigs in small towns in a range of unlikely places, including a bowling alley and a pool hall, and also did a string of impromptu free performances, like the one on a bus where they had the passengers singing along to The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round! 

There was lots of grainy black and white footage, both on stage and off. I love grainy monochrome pictures. The best was the film shot at Iqaluit, waaaaaaaay up in the far north of Canada, where Meg and Jack went for a wander against a backdrop of stark and desolate scenery, including the beach and a cemetery with rows of white wooden crosses. Beautiful.

This is macabre, but I really like cemetries - to look at, I mean. When I was watching Meg and Jack at the cemetery I thought, "Hmmm...maybe I could visit the cemetery in New York...." Yep, I've googled New York cemeteries. Am I strange?

The final scene in the doco was the most powerful - Meg and Jack sitting at a piano as he played and sang White Moon. About half way through, tears rolled down Megs cheeks. Meg is so painfully shy and hardly speaks during the doco which makes the scene so much more affecting.

Oh, and Jack White....I could watch that man all day long.

Here's a bit of the Iquluit footage (wouldn't fit properly, dammit - click on it to view on YouTube).

So much excitement!

So much stuff to look forward to! I love this time of year - it's Moomba in a couple of weeks, which brings big crowds, ski jumping competitions, colourful carnival rides and fireworks to town. It can be a bit lame but sometimes they have good bands playing for free and I like the atmosphere. It's great for taking photos too.

Then not long after Moomba the Melbourne International Comedy Festival hits town, which also brings a nice buzzy atmosphere to the CBD. I love the Comedy Festival - who doesn't like to laugh? -  although flicking through the festival guide makes me a bit anxious because there's so much to see, but only so much time and money...Decisions, decisions.

In the more immediate future though....I only found out today that The White Stripes' documentary Under Great White Northern Lights is showing in Melbourne for three days only, starting tonight! How did I not know this? I found out from a friend who doesn't even like The White Stripes.  They're one of my favourite bands and Jack White is one of my celebrity crushes. (Yup, I likes the pasty, dark-haired, kooky ones...) I'm going to see the doco after work tomorrow night. Can't wait.

AND! AND! I also have a date on Sunday. Ooooh. It's just a casual drinks thing with a boy from Twitter. Twitter is ace! 

Saving the best for last...

The most exciting thing is that I'M GOING TO NEW YORK CITY IN MAY! Aiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! OK, I haven't booked anything, but I'm on the brink of shelling out the money and I've ramped up my savings.   

It's super exciting, but also a little scary because I'm not well travelled and I'm going all on my lonesome. I can't wait around for a travelling companion to come along...

I'll be going for two weeks. Please feel free to offer me any advice on what I should see and do.